What is coercive control and why is it hard to identify and escape?

‘Boundaries’ or coercive control? Experts explain how to tell the difference

1.1K views · 169 reactions | Coercive control isn’t always physical....

Coercive control pushes survivors into emotional corners that most people will never understand. When someone is chronically degraded, isolated, and trapped in a no-win reality, the nervous system goes into survival mode — and reactions can become extreme because the situation is extreme. In the Perfect Prey episode, Sarma Melngailis shares how relentless psychological pressure left her feeling cornered, enraged, and terrified by her own reactions. This is what coercive control does: it wears do

One of the most painful parts of coercive control is self-doubt. Survivors often say: “I wasn’t sure… but if even a computer can see it, then it must be real.” That moment of recognition matters. Because discomfort isn’t random. If something felt wrong, there’s usually a reason — and there is language for it. Tools like Aimee Says help illuminate patterns survivors were never taught to name: financial abuse, gaslighting, intimidation — all pieces of coercive control. Validation restores clarity.

When survivors finally enter family court, many arrive believing it’s where justice will finally be seen — but for those escaping narcissistic abuse or coercive control, the reality is often far more devastating. As Dr. Ramani explains in this conversation with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, the “divorce industrial complex” is a multi-billion-dollar system where the most antagonistic, abusive cases generate the most profit. Evaluators, GALs, assessments, court-mandated services — all of it becomes fue